As we were camping over the weekend, we visited Alex on Monday this week, and it was a pretty awful visit. Within about two hours we had to leave due to how much Alex was hurting himself. Though sad, this wasn’t terribly surprising given how Alex has been lately… until we read the report the next day and realized Alex was only unhappy around us.
The official report, regarding Alex’s self-injury, states, “but this behavior stooped as soon as his parents walked out the door and Alex continued in a good mood like when i arrived on shift”. Alex apparently had a wonderful day if you take away our visit. Before we arrived, he was happy. After we left, he was happy. Only while we were there did Alex exhibit any serious self-injurious behaviors.
I have wondered in the past if he is angry at us for leaving him in the care of strangers, or if he’s simply forgetting who we are. This report takes all my fears and turns them from a simple guilty complex into reality. It’s happened more than once: we’re told Alex is doing well, but when we arrive he seems very unhappy. I tortured myself thinking the worst, but in the back of my mind I always hoped I was just being paranoid. After this latest report, though, it seems like Alex really does have a problem with us.
This is just about the worst thing I could have imagined happening when we asked the state to care for him.